Weight of a Crown

I decided to make some roast with mashed potatoes and a side of broccoli for Shabbat dinner. As I’m cooking, my oldest son and I discussed a compelling testimony a friend of mine shared. We discussed the widows and orphans and how we must humble ourselves. My son says to me, “I have a heavy crown”- I paused for a brief moment and envisioned a young man bowed down. I begin to tell him, yes, the weight of Adonai will humble us. I knew my son understood; his path will not be easy; oh, but it will be beautiful! Such wisdom from someone so young. Reminded me of King David. Hard words to speak to my son, and honestly, my throat felt choked up saying them. I held back my tears, because I knew very well the crown is heavy. I wonder if Adonai feels the same way? After our conversation, I continued to think about the weightier matters of the heart:

“Woe to you, [self-righteous] scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you give a tenth (tithe) of your mint and dill and cumin [focusing on minor matters], and have neglected the weightier [more important moral and spiritual] provisions of the Law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the [primary] things you ought to have done without neglecting the others.” Matthew 23:23

I pictured Abraham and Sarah, Leah and Rachel; you know all those in Scripture with heavy crowns. Wondering if they even knew they had a crown? The weight of Elohim’s glory is so crushingly heavy that we must prostrate ourselves before Him in awe and humility. Yeshua wore the heaviest crown-a man of sorrows. Our necks bow under pressure, our knees hit the floor for lack of strength and all we can do is raise our arms to the heavens before we completely collapse on our faces. Prostrated like a baby who isn’t coordinated enough to walk. This is where we find chutzpah-like faith. Prayer is powerful! But before the boldness must come the humility. May we learn to become one with the floor.

A pure gold crown is heavy, and a head full of hot air will not withstand such splendor. Job knows this, and he has a few words to share with us.

If I go east, he is not there,

 and if I go west, I cannot perceive him.

  When he is at work to the north, I cannot see him;

 when he turns south, I cannot find him.

  Yet he knows the way I have taken;

 when he has tested me, I will emerge as pure gold.

  My feet have followed in his tracks;

 I have kept to his way and not turned aside.

  I have not departed from the commands from his lips;

 I have treasured the words from his mouth

more than my daily food.  Job 23:8-12

Come out as gold friends! Stick to His path even when we don’t understand; stay the course.


Our head is the leader of our bodies, and if we don’t submit to the weight that humbles us, we can’t learn from the fiery ordeals we go through; may our trials train us. Our necks keep our head stable, and without the humility of bowing, the neck becomes stiff. Remember the stubborn, stiff-necked Israelites. Pride and ego will always be our downfall if we don’t learn to bow in reverence to our Elohim. Bow the head, the neck, and body will follow. Elijah knew the weight of his crown; it kept him on his face before Adonai. Esther’s crown had her fasting and in prayer. Ruth was found on the threshing floor before Boaz-which means “in strength.” Wait, Ruth found strength while being prostrated on the threshing floor. Why don’t we hear this message coming from the pulpit? Oh, but Yeshua’s crown made his forehead bleed. Fore- means to be in front of and the head is the leadership of the body. Our Messiah went before us as our leader to show us how to bear the cost of this crown we are called to wear. Can the cross and the crown be the same thing? Much to ponder here. Yeshua was in a garden called Gethsemane, and he was in deep prayer, a prayer so powerful I don’t think our ears could comprehend, groaning’s in the spirit. He was showing us the way to life is through death, cross, and crown guys. I often ponder the complete, submissive humility at that moment. On His face, shedding blood and tears for us and drinking from a cup that had His name on it because of our iniquities. My heart is pierced! This picture of servitude makes every silly offense we endure look like child’s play. We must descend on our faces, weeping and seeking humility before our Elohim. His Son has done much for us, something no one could ever do again. Who are we to think we can ascend without descending, is that not the path Yeshua has shown us? Pride goes before the fall, and as we are falling, may it be in repentance. May we find humility and love like Yeshua’s, may no man perish be written upon our hearts. May our lips speak only of His goodness, and our hands only do His works. Only after the moments of humbling can we honestly wear the crown. Not pompous palace brats, but humbled servants. 

“Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12

Now it came about after these things, that God tested Abraham, and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” Genesis 22:1

“He will sit as a smelter and purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, so that they may present to the Lord offerings in righteousness.” Malachi 3:3

In my next blog, I will be sharing more on the Garden of Gethsemane and how Yeshua paints a picture for all of us to see.

Hissing Cacti’s and Yeshua’s love

This is an older writing from 2018, but I feel this is very much for today.

A few months back, I had a dream that I have been pondering. My children and I are walking in shallow, clear water in my dream, and there are people everywhere splashing and having a good time. All around in the shallow water, ankle-deep, there are single cacti leaves. This little boy comes to me and says, “They hiss if you kick them.” My children and I maneuver around these hissing cacti, safely getting to dry ground. I want to take a moment to ask you some things. Who are these hissing cacti? Why do we want to kick them? Do we all safely maneuver around them, so we don’t get bit? There are many hurt and wounded souls in this world. I believe these cacti (in my dream represent) those hurting and suffering. 

They sever themselves from the rest of the tree, shrinking back in fear of being hurt more. What was once a beautiful fruit-bearing tree has transformed into a lonely Cactus full of thorns. I wonder if those thorns sticking into the cacti are the words and actions of those who wounded them. Sometimes when we come across those who are so wounded, we want to kick them to keep them away. Those that kick are wounded too. We are not mature enough to love them. We are too scared to be hurt ourselves. I live in the South West, and let me tell you, cacti thistles hurt! Some are so small you can’t see them, but you sure feel them. It takes a careful look through a source of light to see the tiny little prickles stuck in our flesh, I mean our skin. But what about those that safely maneuver away? They are safe from those who are hard to love. They quickly get through the shallow water to dry land, but they do it alone. I am guilty of this; to be honest, I can see myself in all three of these scenarios. I have been so severely wounded that I hissed at anyone who came close. I have kicked those wounded souls with my lack of compassion and humility. I have maneuvered around those that need His love. Why? Because of my immaturity and my pride. It takes humbling to see others’ pain; it takes lonely nights crying out to Abba. It takes a heart so empty that it is now filled with Him to do the right thing. You see, the hissing cacti were in the water, the little boy who kicked was in the water, and lastly, my children and I were in the water. We were in the living water! All ready to receive this cleansing. Some are more prepared than others but still willing. We can’t kick those that are down; we are supposed to help. We can’t walk by those calling out for help; yes, hissing is pleading for help. We need the maturity of our Yeshua to reach down regardless of the bite and take those cacti needles out, one by one. We need life-size tweezers! Bear hug anyone? 

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:12-17)

I remember thinking about my ankles and how the water kept pushing up against them in my dream. I thought about my walk of faith and how I have grown, and how much more I have to learn. I thought about those in my life that are wounded and how I could be Yeshua’s love to them. I thought about my wounds and how Abba has placed those who are Yeshua’s love to me in my life. I thought of Yeshua washing feet. Is this what washing feet is all about? In Middle Eastern culture to wash feet was one of the lowliest of occupations you could have. Now I understand why the disciples did not want their master to do such a thing. 

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet. Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” (John 13:6-8 NIV)

Oh, but the beauty in humility. It’s precious in our Abba’s eyes. Yeshua’s ministry makes more sense to me now. Sitting at tables with sinners, praying over the demon-possessed, loving on the widows and orphans. Yes, those that hiss need Yeshua’s love. Dr.s heal the sick. Let’s not forget we all need His healing balm.


Face to Face

I in righteousness will behold Your face!

 When I awake,

     I will be satisfied with Your likeness. ~TLV~

15 But my prayer, in righteousness, is to see your face;

 on waking, may I be satisfied with a vision of you. ~CJB~


What it Adonai’s likeness? Have you ever seen or felt it? I’ve had glimpses of His likeness. It’s usually not what we would expect. While we all would love to be satisfied with a heavenly vision of prosperity or a life full of a variety of abundance, that’s not aligned with His likeness. True abundance in His likeness is being poured out just like His son Yeshua. The prime example for all. Taking the sweet sorrows and bitter victories all together hand in hand. Both these versions speak about Adonai’s face. When I want my husband to behold what I am saying, I will grasp his face with both my hands and look deeply into his eyes. At that moment, we are face to face. To be face to face in Hebrew has a deeper meaning. Panim (paw-neem) is to see past the face we see. To pierce through more deeply into the many facets of one’s self. The wholeness of the face we behold. That’s a deep understanding, a place of intimacy. To know someone is to be genuinely intimate and close. David knew Adonai deeply, as did Moses. Face to face. Oh, how I long to behold my beloved’s face, to see deeply into Elohim’s many facets. I want to be satisfied by the vision of His likeness! I want my likeness to mimic Yeshua’s. Don’t you? We know that those who the Father has revealed Yeshua to reveal Himself too. 

Yeshua said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven!” Matthew 16:17

We cannot know Yeshua without knowing the Father.

Yeshua said to him, “I am the way, the truth and the life! No one comes to the Father except through Me. If you have come to know Me, you will know My Father also. From now on, you do know Him and have seen Him.” John 14:6-7

Remember, behold the face!

Let’s read another psalm to help us piece this together.

Trust in Adonai and do good.               

 Dwell in the land, feed on faithfulness.

 Delight yourself in Adonai,           

 and He will give you the requests of your heart.

 Commit your way to Adonai.

 Trust in Him, and He will do it.

  ~Psalm 37: 3-5~

Keywords: is Delight in Adonai. How can we delight in Adonai? To delight is to take pleasure in something. I know many of us are taught that this verse refers our God to a type of genie or wish granter. But we see that this is not the case. Do we expect the Creator of all things to grant us our heart’s desires? I am so glad that he doesn’t. We all have read the verses about our hearts, their corrupt and full of deceit. Without Him, there is no good thing. I have a question for the readers: Can we have pleasure in Adonai when our lives collide with great sufferings and sorrows? I think we all try too. I know in my own life when the storms come, I do my best to focus on Him, the lesson, and how I can use this for not just my good, but for the good of the kingdom. In my option to delight ourselves in Him is to align our hearts with His. When we are honing in on His will and desires for our lives and the lives of others, we will find this delight. To hone in on is to accept all the stuff: good, bad, troublesome, and painful. A labor of love is birthed, and we co-share the birth pains and joy, the delight with our Abba. As David said in Psalm 17:15, we will be satisfied with His likeness, Amen. The likeness of His joy, delights, sorrows, and yes, sufferings.  

Weapons for our Warware.

20So the Lord burned with anger against Israel. He said, “Because these people have violated my covenant, which I made with their ancestors, and have ignored my commands, 21I will no longer drive out the nations that Joshua left unconquered when he died. 22I did this to test Israel—to see whether or not they would follow the ways of the Lord as their ancestors did.” 23That is why the Lord left those nations in place. He did not quickly drive them out or allow Joshua to conquer them all. (Judges 2:20-23 NLT)

1These are the nations that the Lord left in the land to test those Israelites who had not experienced the wars of Canaan. 2He did this to teach warfare to generations of Israelites who had no experience in battle. 3These are the nations: the Philistines (those living under the five Philistine rulers), all the Canaanites, the Sidonians, and the Hivites living in the mountains of Lebanon from Mount Baal-hermon to Lebo-hamath. 4These people were left to test the Israelites—to see whether they would obey the commands the Lord had given to their ancestors through Moses.5So the people of Israel lived among the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites, 6and they intermarried with them. Israelite sons married their daughters, and Israelite daughters were given in marriage to their sons. And the Israelites served their gods. (Judges 3:1-6 NLT)

Definitions of nation’s and peoples found above:

  •  Ba’al #1167 owner, master from #1160 baal to marry, rule over
  • Israel means He Retains God, or slightly more elaborate: He Has Become a Receptacle in Which God Can Be Received and Retained. ( for an in depth study of the name please visit http://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Israel.html#.XUcCOOhKi00)
  • Philistines # 6428 Palash (verb) act of mourning, wallow, perhaps to roll in dust
  • Canaanites # 3663  Kana (verb) to bring down low, primitive root; to bend the knee, hence to humiliate, vanquish
  • Sidonians #6679 Tsud (verb) to hunt, catches, hunt down, a primitive root; to lie alongside (in wait) by implication, to catch an animal (fig. men)
  • Hivites #2340 Chivvi probably villagers, Hawa (verb) to layout in order to live collectively, prostrate which is to submit oneself wholly and bodily to a collective or to the leader of that collective. ( my opinion= symbiotic oneness)
  • Hittites- terrors, terrible #2865 Chatuth (verb) to be shattered or dismayed, beat down, discourage, a primitive root; to prostrate, hence to break down either (lit) by violence or (fig) by confession and fear, terrifying
  • Amorites mountain dwellers # 557 Amar (verb) to utter, say, talkers
  • Perizzite #6518 paraz or perez to separate, divide, burst forth, a breach
  • Jebusites #947 bus (verb) to tread down, trample, be pulled
  • Othniel- 1st Judge of Israel, Lion of Yah, strength of Yah

I’ve been studying this chapter. Mainly because of these two verses that popped right off the pages Judges 2:22 I did this to test Israel—to see whether or not they would follow the ways of the Lord as their ancestors did.” and Judges 3:1-2  1These are the nations that the Lord left in the land to test those Israelites who had not experienced the wars of Canaan. 2He did this to teach warfare to generations of Israelites who had no experience in battle.

 We need experience. There will always be a nation, a people group left to teach us how to war. But, how are believers fight their battles?  

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you are able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the worldly forces of this darkness, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist when the times are evil, and after you have done everything, to stand firm. 14 Stand firm then! Buckle the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness.  15 Strap up your feet in readiness with the Good News of shalom.  16 Above all, take up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation[and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God.  18 Pray in the Ruach on every occasion, with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, keep alert with perseverance and supplication for all the kedoshim. ~Ephesians 6:10-18TLV~

As much as we all would like to blame others, I honestly think we must look within first. We are in a constant battle between spirit and flesh. Sometimes if we don’t keep a pure, correct heart, we become enemies to ourselves and others. I’ve been told those who don’t receive healing will bleed on those who did not cut them. There’s life in the blood! I don’t want to be responsible for murdering someone with my lips because I failed to look in the mirror first.

It intrigues me how our Elohim leaves us little clues about how He refines and teaches His children. Many times we look at a situation and think negatively about it. However, after looking closely, we see that it may not be what we thought it to be. If our Abba only gives good gifts, why on Earth would He leave a group of Nation’s so horrible to teach the children of Israel how to war and win battles? Maybe our perspective on what is right needs to align with His goodness. My guess would be Abba is looking for leaders that know servitude, humility. The leaders who know how to remain calm through the storms of life and foreign nations’ attacks, those that do not cower to the talkers or shrink back because of those who lay snares. Are we trained by the fiery ordeals we encounter? David certainly was, before slaying a giant, he had to wrestle lions and bears; before sitting on the throne, he went through the pit. David the beloved, A man after Abba’s own heart, knew these nations very well.

I’m curious how the children of Israel today wage war against these nations left in the land? I’m not talking about the actual land of Israel; I’m speaking us as a body of believers.

16Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you? 17God will destroy anyone who destroys this temple. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple. (1st Corinthians 16-17 NLT)  

Do we bicker and grumble? How about tremble in fear and use violence to make a point? I want to be transparent for a moment; I have been like Israel and intermarried with the nations. I have been a Philistine wallowing in the dust, like an Amorite and let my foul mouth do the talking, like a true Hittite, I have been confused and dismayed, ruled by fear and violence. I have been all the nations above, and I know I am not the only one. We must first look within before we try to help others. We need to stop intermarrying and start being a set-apart nation; Israel arise to the glorious bride you are meant to be. Chazak Ve’ematz! 

Our temple, our bodies are the physical counterparts of the spiritual body that we read in Scripture. We are to be good ambassadors. Israel is to be a vessel ready and willing to operate in all the authority and love of our creative Abba. 

Do onlookers see bickering and division among the body? It hurts. Where’s the great anointing pouring down Aarons beard?  

16There are six things the Lord hates—no, seven things he detests: 17haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent,18a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, 19a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family. (Proverbs 6:16-19 NLT)

Can you see the similarities to the nations left to teach Israel how to war and the wicked lamp, the seven things our Elohim hates? A more serious question, can you see these things within you? How about the body of Yeshua? Oh, Abba, do a mighty cleansing of your sheep! May we weep and mourn for our transgressions and rise to be the leaders this generation needs! Break the cycle of intermarriage and stay set apart. I pray we allow ourselves to be trained by our trials and let the dross surface, coming out as pure refined gold!

Are we teachable, willing to receive instruction or rebuke? Remember, we must look deep inside our hearts. None are all-knowing, and one day, Yeshua is coming back to set us all straight! May we remain humble.

 18Stop deceiving yourselves. If you think you are wise by this world’s standards, you need to become a fool to be truly wise. 19For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. As the Scriptures say, “He traps the wise in the snare of their own cleverness.” 20And again, “The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise; he knows they are worthless.” (1st Corinthians 3:18-20) 

I see a mixed multitude of believers swaying between two beliefs. Covenant and what they deem fit. Abba, help us to be united and not divided. There are many warnings to those believers who choose their own desires: 

12When these people eat with you in your fellowship meals commemorating the Lord’s love, they are like dangerous reefs that can shipwreck you. They are like shameless shepherds who care only for themselves. They are like clouds blowing over the land without giving any rain. They are like trees in autumn that are doubly dead, for they bear no fruit and have been pulled up by the roots. 13They are like wild waves of the sea, churning up the foam of their shameful deeds. They are like wandering stars, doomed forever to blackest darkness. 16These people are grumblers and complainers, living only to satisfy their desires. They brag loudly about themselves, and they flatter others to get what they want. (Jude 1:12-13, 16)

Please read the whole chapter of Jude; it’s short but powerful. I pray we all remain faithful like the believers in the latter part of Jude. I pray for wisdom and discernment on how to handle the situations we come across within the body of Yeshua. 

20But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, 21and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love. 22And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. 23 Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives. (Jude 1:20-23

This reminds me that we must minister to people where they are at; some, with loving compassion and others with the boldness and holy fear of Adonai. I pray this has blessed you, and my hope is to edify the body by building off the original foundation laid long ago. We need more Othniel’s, willing to go forth and judge righteously! Like a lion of Yah, awaken to our true heritage.

Abba raise up an army of Joshua’s Caleb’s, Othniel’s! Deborah’s, Yael’s, and Ruth’s! 

Be bold and courageous! 

Chazak Ve’ematz Israel!

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Sources cited:


Mindful of Me

Adonai, our Lord, how excellent is Your Name over all the earth! You set Your splendor above the heavens. Out of the mouths of babies and toddlers, You established power, because of Your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon, and the stars, which You established— what is man, that You are mindful of him? And the son of man, that You care for him? Yet You made him a little lower than the angels and crowned him with glory and majesty! You gave him dominion over the works of Your hands. You put all things under their feet: all sheep and oxen, and also beasts of the field, birds in the air, and fish in the ocean— all passing through the paths of the seas. Adonai, our Lord, how excellent is Your Name over all the earth!

(Psalms 8:2-10, TLV)

What is man that He is mindful of us? Every time I ponder this, I feel such gratitude and love. The Creator of all looks upon us and provides and protects. Oh, be still my heart! The writing below was inspired by the Psalm above.

Who is man when he bats an eye at those who are in need?

Who is man when he mistreats those a little less than he?

Who am I Adonai, who am I?

You created the heavens and marked the seasons with a breath.

I Am is the still small presence in the whirling breeze.

The soft-spoken voice among broken trees.

Whispering among the fallen leaves.

Who is man that I am mindful of he!

Look up child, for I Am He!

The One mindful of thee.

Listen as I whisper your worth among the barrenness of this world.

You are beyond measure–beautiful and true.

Never forget the day I spoke this into you!

My child, go forth and shine this light,

share this love with the broken trees

And all the fallen leaves. As I continue to whisper in

this whirling breeze.

Look up child, for I Am He!

The one mindful of thee.

Artwork by: Christine Council

Dark nights of the Soul.

Can we love the stars enough to endure the night? What a question to ponder. We know Abraham looked up to see his descendants as many as the stars. By one seed Isaac-which means laughter, a nation was born. I don’t know about you all, but the thought of night takes my breath away, literally. Its beauty and hidden light for those brave enough to endure it. We’re told that beauty equals pain, and to be honest, I agree. True beauty is a rare gem, not of this world but another.

I’ve spent many nights sitting in the dark depths of my soul pondering and searching for anything that hinders me—asking my Father to pull out His magnifying glass to show my blind eyes what I fail to see. There is gold in the shrouds of darkness if we are willing to dig and dig deep. The light came from the darkness. We all have hidden sparks of light weaved into our very essence. What we choose to do with them, well, that’s the million-dollar question.

By now, you may be wondering what darkness brings light? Well, the dark night of the soul. Through our crushing’s, we get oil. Through pruning, we bear good fruit. Through pressure, we become that diamond hidden under the coal. That’s right, count it pure joy, my friends! All those agonizing nights, painful moments, and fiery ordeals now serve a purpose when we surrender to the King of Kings. Like Sarah, if we are willing to have the faith and give Him our shame, bondage, and guilt. Well, He does something beautiful. We trade our ashes for fertile soil. We grow into strong wings that soar to the highest heights. We receive different facets of his love, like a well-polished diamond! Oh, beloved, what does our Father want to give us in exchange for some things?

“To console the mourners in Zion—to give them a crown of beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and a garment of praise for a spirit of despair. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.” ~Isaiah 61:3~

But can we endure the night to love the stars? Yeshua, our Messiah, paved the way, Yah’s way to do so. Throughout His ministry, we see every step He takes for those stars, every ounce of rejection, every bit of mockery, all of the crushing’s, all from the stars themselves. These stars are not just those descended from Abraham’s bloodline, but those grafted in the other sheepfold.

Going back to Sarah, I’ve been thinking about Sara and how hard it must have been for her every time she was intimate with Abraham, how many times she hoped for a change in her womb to take place. I understand why Sarah laughed when she heard that she would conceive; she had hoped for so long that her heart had grown sick. What did Sarah, the princess of many, understand about this? That desire fulfilled is a tree of life! (Proverbs 13:12) We can be barren in many ways, yet laughter (Isaac) can burst forth from the barren places if we let our Elohim’s infinite light shine in our dark spots. He supports those who fall and brings His healing balm to cover the battle wounds of barrenness.

~The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14~

Ministry is life. It is life, and those who drink its cup exchange their life for the life of others.

And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Matthew 10:38~

To take up our cross means we will eventually reach a destination that calls us to get on it. Tear the veil of our eyes Father! Dark nights of the soul are meant to birth resurrection-a renewing of the self. Good fruit.

The proper definition for a minister is- “an agent acting for a superior, one who acts upon the authority of another,” taken from https://www.etymonline.com/word/minister

We see many called ministers, but how do we know the ones honestly acting upon the Superior Agent?

“I appeal to you, therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2~

We know them by the aromatic perfume from their living sacrifice! Fruit from the womb-birthing pains my friends.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.Let us not become conceited, provoking, and envying each other.” Galatians 5:22-26~

Magnifying glass, anyone?

I leave you with a verse and a beautiful art piece that spoke to me. I pray it, ministers, to you as well. Arise princess from the darkness; you will birth marvelous light!

“By faith, even Sarah herself received ability to conceive when she was barren and past the age, since she considered the One who had made the promise to be faithful. So from one—and him as good as dead—were fathered offspring as numerous as the stars of heaven, and as uncountable as the sand on the seashore”. ~Hebrews 11:11-12~

Are we dead yet?

I woke up this morning with dying on my mind, not the physical type of death but the spiritual. I grew up with a well-known phrase:

“A coward dies a thousand deaths, but a soldier dies but one.” ― Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms.

I keep telling myself what lies we are fed. We are often told to be tough but not strong. Make sure you are aggressive, not assertive. If you have an ounce of fear, you’re not courageous. Look down on others because they are different than you. Mistreat the sinners because God knows they deserve it. Spit on those who try to shine your shoes. The list of lies goes on and on.

A coward actually never dies. They run from death. It is a true soldier in God’s army that dies a thousand deaths. Funny how we don’t hear many discussing such an important topic. Death was part of Yeshua’s journey. After each death, Yeshua arose stronger than the last. Until His final death, which conquered death and the grave. Why do we fear the very thing that we need? What if others rely on your deaths to show them the way, the truth, and to life?

“Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23).

“Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5:24).

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24).

Just me, myself and the great I Am

Hey, I’m Crystal. Just another soul learning who I am and where I belong in this world. My love and desire to search out my God, my Elohim in this ever-changing world, is what propels me to think deeply and write about my findings. I am searching for something beautiful, something beyond our earthly perspective of beauty. Who am I, why am I here, and how can I change myself? If my yearnings and lessons can help impact others, then why not share. We never know who is watching or reading.

Our God works in secret, mysterious ways. My life’s journey does not belong to only me but to all willing to embrace the path with me. My only hope is to shine His glorious light into a cold and dark world. We all have something beautiful to offer if we are willing to brace the nakedness of ourselves. Transparency is the tool by which we find out we need a Savior.

“Trust in Adonai and do good. Dwell in the land, feed on faithfulness. Delight yourself in Adonai,

and He will give you the requests of your heart. Commit your way to Adonai. Trust in Him, and He will do it.” ~Psalm 37:3-5~

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